Enjoy Every Sandwich by Lee Lipsenthal

Author:Lee Lipsenthal [Lipsentha, Lee]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-95516-6
Publisher: Harmony/Rodale
Published: 2011-11-08T00:00:00+00:00

TEN

The Sound of Heartbreak

There are two lasting bequests we can give our children.

One is roots. The other is wings.

—Hodding Carter Jr.

The day after Will and I returned from our trip, Kathy and I asked the kids to sit with us at an outdoor table by our pool. Towering redwood and pine trees surround our house, and the area by the pool is a place I often go to meditate. To me, it is the place where I could be calm enough to have the conversation that Kathy and I both dreaded. The kids sat down on the opposite side of the table.

“We have something to tell you that is not going to be easy to hear,” I started. Cheryl held her head down, not wanting to reveal to Will that she already knew. I felt the discomfort and made a halfhearted attempt at a joke.

“No, we are not getting divorced; you’re stuck with us.” Nobody laughed.

“Before the trip, I was diagnosed with cancer in my esophagus.”

Kathy began to tear up, but I saw her put on her medical face—supportive in light of bad news. Cheryl sat there knowingly but unable to say anything. Will looked down and asked, “Does this mean you’re going to die?”

“I don’t know,” I said, holding back my tears and looking at this sad, sweet boy-man I loved so much. “I will have to undergo treatment and maybe surgery.” I felt a need to be honest. “It’s not a good type of cancer, but I will do everything that I can to stay here. To stay with you.”

“I knew something was wrong the whole time we were in LA,” he said.

There was not much more we could say. “We love you both, and we will go through this together.” Kathy added, “We are still going to England. Dad really wants to do this trip.”

I knew Kathy didn’t want to go to England; she wanted me to complete my workup and start treatment right away. But to me the trip was truly important. This could be the last family trip of my life, and I wasn’t going to miss it. If I was going to die, why not spend two weeks with the people I loved most?

Will asked if he could go to his room. I got up and hugged him, but he silently moved away.

Cheryl stayed and asked a few questions about treatment and if I might die.

“There is a 90 percent chance that I might die but a 10 percent chance that I will live. We won’t know until we know.” We smiled and hugged, and then she suggested a chemo party where people could bring me wigs and DVDs to watch. It was at that moment that I knew I had someone to laugh with about all of this. Will couldn’t get there yet and Kathy was too afraid of losing me, but Cheryl could make jokes. I needed that now more than ever.

Ten minutes later, Will came up from his room and said he was going to meet his friend Dana.

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